Do you fit the "corporate culture?"

Are you over 50 and looking for employment? If you are, you may have noticed that there are a lot of jobs available in your field, but they don’t want you. My favorite response from the interviewer is “You are very qualified, but you don’t fit our corporate culture.” What in the world does that mean? The only “corporate culture” I’m interest in is… “Hi… I’m the boss… here’s what I want you to do… thank you for doing it... here’s your paycheck… now go home.”

Let me translate this for you. What they are saying is… “You’re to old.” Federal law does not allow an employer to discriminate because of your age but it does happen… all the time. I am presently looking for work as a computer programmer. I have been working in Information Technology since the days that we had those little beads on those wire thingy’s. The consulting firms that I have been dealing with have confirmed my suspicions. Fitting the corporate culture means that you’re under 30, will work for half the pay, you can spend at least 55 or more hours a week at your workstation and you promise not to die in your cube.

So… if you are having the same problem as I am, I offer some advice to you. The next time you have a face-to-face interview with a prospective employer… try this.

1) Light up a joint.
2) Hum a song by “Artic Monkeys” and bang your head on the interviewers desk.
3) Wear a backpack.
4) Make sure there is a snowboard or skateboard in your backpack.
5) Don’t wear your MP3 player on your wrist.
6) Use the phrase ‘Vodka and Red Bull” at least 3 times.
7) If outside activities come up, don’t use the words “recreation center,” it’s a gym.
8) If the interviewer offers you a latte, don’t look puzzled, that’s coffee.
9) Don’t ask if their health plan covers limb replacement.
10) Never tell the interviewer that his/her mother dresses him/her nicely.

Will this help? Probably not… but it will make you feel better.