In my last post, I mentioned that I had tried a number of online dating services. On one of the services I responded to a woman who's profile attracted my attention. A few hours later I received an email which contained 32 questions that she wanted me to answer so she could decide if she wanted to take the next step and meet me. What has happened to just getting on the phone or sitting down over a cup of coffee and talking?
I decided to answer her questions... LOL.
1. Best quality?
I’m still breathing.
2. Worst quality?
I’m a male.
3. What's in your CD player right now?
I looked… wow… that’s where that sandwich disappeared to.
4. Do you normally wear boxers, briefs or no underwear?
What’s underwear?
5. What clothes are you wearing right now?
A tee shirt and shorts that Goodwill dropped off yesterday.
6. What clothes do you wear to bed?
A tee shirt and shorts that Goodwill dropped off two days ago.
7. Favorite alcoholic drink?
Nyquil.
8. Are there any foods you don't eat or can't eat?
That stuff at the Mission doesn’t taste too good.
9. What's the best dish you cook?
Boiled water.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Not unless there is a dog involved.
11. Kiss on the first date? If no, after how many?
I don’t know… I’ve never gone on a date.
12. Do you smoke cigarettes?
No… too expensive. Would like to try one. Do you have one?
13. Favorite movie (or type)?
“The Modern Farmer” A documentary. Circa. 1953.
14. What is your living arrangement?
No more than one person to a cardboard box.
15. Children? (Have them? How many? Want more?) I have 2.
I love them. Want more. They taste good.
16. Do you like and participate in romance?
See Number 11.
17. Are you religious, if so what religion?
Well… I’ve been saved… I’ll be damned.
18. Why are you single?
See answers 1 through 17 and 19 through 32.
19. What is the ideal number of times to see someone in a week?
The welfare office allows 3 visits a week. Works for me.
20. Biggest turn on’s?
Finding extra meat in a dish of Ham Surprise.
21. Biggest turn offs?
Wet cardboard.
22. When you go out, where do you like to go?
Anyplace I won’t be arrested.
23. Prefer large groups or intimate gatherings?
It depends on the size of the current homeless population.
24. Are you a walker or a hiker?
Honestly… I have trouble crawling.
25. How do you feel about drugs & alcohol?
Is this an offer?
26. What part(s) of your body do you like the most?
The ones that haven’t fallen off yet.
27. What part(s) of a woman's body do you like most?
The space between her toes.
28. Tattoos or piercing?
Is this another offer?
29. How would you describe the way you dress?
Neo-panhandler.
30. Where is your ideal vacation?
East of France… the Burgundy region. Any place between Buxy and Cluny.
31. Perfect date:
Is your mother still alive?
32. Life motto:
“I don’t remember eating that.”
She never responded to my answers. I guess she wasn't looking for a guy with a sense of humor.
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